Batman's Party
by Scholar for Christ
Summary: When Batman  Bruce Wayne  hosts a party at his mansion, he expects the guests to be somewhat well behaved... but when you're inviting Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Iron Man, Spiderman, Superman and more... things get crazy pretty fast...
1. Batman's Party

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but several mismatched socks and a newfound love for reviews. :D Any characters, places, names, dust bunnies, large stuffed bears or quotes herein belong to their rightful owners… who are not me. Oh and the whole thing was inspired by one-two pages of story from Nickelodeon magazine (November 2005 for those interested :P ) in which Batman hosts a party for several other superheroes… this is kind of an extended version of that.

**Author's Note**: Okay… this can get a little tricky to read through. The characters are represented by the first few letters of their names as listed below. I'll have a list of characters at the top of every chapter (only the characters in that chapter though) so you can always scroll back up to check. Large chunks of actions/descriptions are indented for easier reading… hopefully you'll be able to tell who's saying what…. Oh, if I quoted any movies or books while doing this… I don't own those words. My life is filled with movie quotes and they tend to fly into my parodies. I try to shoo them out but some get stuck…

**B:** Batman/Bruce Wayne **R:** Robin/Tim Drake **K:** Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler

**T:** Tony Stark/Ironman **C:** Clark Kent (S: Superman) **L:** Logan/Wolverine

**A:** Alfred Pennyworth **P:** Peter Parker/Spiderman

**Batman**: Robin! Robin! Where are you? It's almost time for the guests to arrive!

_BAMF!_

**Kurt**: Hey.

**B:** Gaaahhh! How many times do I have to tell you? NO, absolutely NO teleporting behind people!

**K:** (snickers)

**B:** Where's Logan? I thought he was coming with you?

**K:** He vas... vell ve vere... ummm...

**B:** (sternly) You were racing again weren't you?

**K:** (ashamed) Yes... but he should be here very soon; he did get Scott's bike after all.

**Robin**: (comes into the room in full costume) He gets to ride Cyclops's bike! That is _so _not fair!

**K:** Not fair for _you _but the pedestrians seem to think it's pretty good to have a _licensed _driver behind the vheel.

**B:** Okay, you two break it up. Robin, is the dinner ready?

**R:** How should I know? I've been in my room getting ready.

**B:** ... grumblegrr...

_VROOOOOOMM CRASH! _(the double doors fly open and a large black motorcycle bursts through going top speed and performing a wheelie. It skids to a stop before hitting anything while Batman winces and Logan removes his helmet with a dashing smile.)

**L:** Hey, Bruce! Let the party begin!

**B:** Logan... get the bike out of here.

**R:** I'll take it for him!

**B:** NO! You will check with Alfred and see how the dinner is coming.

**R:** grumbley

**L:** Hey, Kurt. You mind Blamfing this thing to the garage?

**K:** It's Bamfing... and yes, I mind.

**T:**(Tony Stark walks in still holding a biking helmet) I'll take it, I was just about to park mine anyway.

(Tony Stark takes both his and Logan's "bikes" to the garage and comes back)

**B:** Great. So, Tony, have you seen any of the others?

**T:** Uh... not exactly... I saw a streak of something that could have been Superman and a car that looked suspiciously like Peter's stuck in this huge line of traffic but apart from that... nope.

**B:** ... swell...

**R:** That's okay, Batman! I'll save Peter!

(begins to run for the door but Batman grabs his cape.)

**B:** Tim, Peter doesn't need saving.

**R:** It's Robin.

**B:** (sighs) Fine then, Robin. Why don't you go change into something a little more appropriate for a party at Bruce Wayne's manor?

**R:** grumblecomplain

**T:** He's very... eager.

**K:** A very kind vay to put it, Herr Stark.

**B:** You guys make yourselves comfortable. I'm gonna go see if Alfred needs any help.

**S:** Did somebody say, help?

(Superman appears in the open doors cape flying in the breeze.)

**L:** Nice tights Supersissy. You know this is a no costumes party right?

**S:** What? The invitation clearly stated to come as you are!

**T:** Usually that means casual dress. Would Clark care to join us? Or is he not home right now?

(Superman leaps behind the couch and comes out moments later adjusting his glasses and straightening his tie)

**K:** No matter how many times I see it, that still gives me the villies.

**C:** So... um. What's for dinner?

**L:**(now lounging on the couch) Personally, I'm hoping for raw meat but I'll settle for cooked.

**K:** That means he doesn't know.

(suddenly, a voice from nowhere begins to sing a rather catchy jingle)

_Tony Stark! He's the greatest! Tony Stark he's the best! Tony St-_

**T:** Oh, sorry, that's my cell.

(takes cell phone out of his pocket)

**T:** Yeah? Hey, Spidey! How are ya? Oh... that bad huh? Don't worry, we'll send someone right over. (hangs up)

**C:** What was that all about?

**T:** Pete says he's stuck in traffic, he's out of gas, there's a criminal on parole in the car behind him who was shouting some rather rude things, and all the snacks he brought along have been stolen by some guy who offered to clean his windows. Oh, and he's starving because he skipped lunch to finish an essay.

**L:** That kid's gotta get his priorities straight.

**C:** Someone should help him. (gets a little gleam in his eyes.) Someone like...

**T:** Please... no.

**L:** (tackles Kurt) KURT! SHIELD YOUR EYES!

**K:** Gack!

**S:** SUPERMAN! (pops out from behind the couch, a strange breeze blowing his cloak and a fanfare from nowhere. He runs to the door pulls it open and leaps out into the storm.)

**L:** (getting up) Oops... sorry Kurt... (peels flat Kurt off floor and places him in a chair) Now I'm never gonna be able to sit on that couch again!

**T:** I know the feeling... I've had to avoid several phone booths because of him.

**B:** Did I just hear Superman powering up in there?

**T:** Yes, actually. He's gone to get Peter.

**R:** (comes downstairs in jeans and a t-shirt) How's this Mr. Fun Ruiner?

**B:** (sigh) It'll do. Alfred's having a little trouble with the dinner so why don't we move on to the games.

**L:** Games? You mean like spin the bottle or something? 'Cause I'm not kissing Kurt!

**K:** Auugh! NO! It vill be Duck, Duck, Metalferbones.

**L:** Watch it Fuzzface or I'm gonna be playin' pin the tail on the mutant!

**B:** Cut it out you two! Not those kinds of games! I meant entertainment or... something! The refreshment table is all set up in the ballroom. Why don't you all move in there?

(fanfare)

**T:** Not again...

(Superman appears in the doorway, behind him is a rather wet Peter Parker, still clutching the steering wheel of his car and staring straight ahead gibbering something.)

**R:** Whoa... Pete, what happened to you?

**S:** His life has been saved thanks to... SUPER-

**L:** Yeah, yeah, way to go Superlifesaver looks like you've succeeded in putting Spiderman in the loony bin!

(Robin guides Spidey to the couch and pries the wheel from his grip.)

**T:** Clark... you have to be more careful with your rescues.

**S:** (Gasps and looks down at himself, suddenly realizing that he "isn't Clark". His head jerks up and he stares at the couch.)

**K:** Oh no... not again! (Bamf's away just barely missing being buried under Logan again. Superman dives behind the couch and pops up as Clark again. Spidey's eyes are wide and his entire body is stiff as a board)

**B:** Well... now that we're all here, why don't we all go to the ballroom for refreshments?

**P:** (relaxes and suddenly looks very thin.)

(Robin points him in the right direction, carefully avoiding the now somewhat shy Clark Kent. They enter the ballroom and all make a beeline for the long table across one wall. Kurt arrives first by way of BAMFing, but is soon shoved out of the way by Logan. Clark starts calmly reaching for a plate when it is webbed out from under his hands by Spidey. Tony is attempting to act mature and gets a plate only to be tripped by Logan as he and Kurt roll across the floor still fighting. Robin tries to get a muffin but is smacked in the face by Clark who thinks Robin stole his plate. Spidey tries to web a muffin out of Tony's hands but Tony grabs the web and pulls sending Spidey into the jello bowl. Thinking he's trying to eat it all, Logan drags him out of the bowl knocks him unconscious and stuffs his own face into it. Kurt leaps onto the table and Bamf's away with the plate of brownies. Robin chases him about the room while Kurt munches away exclaiming about their wonderful taste. Clark zaps Logan with heat vision knocking him temporarily unconscious and vaporizing the jello bowl. Tony leaps onto Clark who was trying to sneak a cupcake. Batman enters...)

**B:** WHAT IS ALL THIS? I leave you alone for five minutes and look what you do!

(They all freeze. Spidey unconscious on the floor face covered in jello, Logan unconscious next to him his entire body charred black, Kurt partway up one wall mouth full of brownie still avoiding Robin who was going for a throwing star, Tony with both hands around Clark's neck and Clark charging up his heat vision.)

**A:** Perhaps I should arrange a line for the refreshments Master Bruce?

**B:** Yes, Alfred. That would be great. I'll be in the kitchen. (whispers to Alfred) If they do something like this again, use the tranquilizers okay, Alfred?

**A:** Yes, sir.

(Alfred arranges everyone. Spidey and Logan both come around in time to get in line and Kurt puts the plate back now with only seven brownies left. Suddenly...)

_BOOOOOOM!_ (The house shakes, everyone rushes to the kitchen where Batman is crouched in front of the oven his face covered in black.)

**L:** Ouch...

**T:** You know I hear turkeys are rather stubborn birds but I've never heard of one exploding quite like that.

**C:** Is this a good time for a hero?

**Everyone**: NO!

(Alfred fixes Batman up)

**B:** Okay... so I guess we'll be eating finger foods for dinner.

**K:** Vait! I know a vonderful recipe for German stew!

**C:** I can make a sandwich... or cook a turkey in under a minute.

**T:** Um... I can... supervise? And um... taste test?

**L:** Hey! That job's already mine! Unless Batman has a grill, I can grill.

**P:** I can make some garlic toast... I think...

**R:** I can be calm and quiet in the garage! Watching the bikes! (flashes innocent grin)

**B:** No, Robin, you can be ingredient boy. Thanks everybody!

(There are various shouts of "No problem!" and "Glad to help!" as the others begin dinner preparations.)


	2. Flaming Feast

_**[B:** Batman/Bruce Wayne **R:** Robin/Tim Drake **K:** Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler_

_**T:** Tony Stark/Ironman **C:** Clark Kent (S: Superman) **L:** Logan/Wolverine_

_**A:** Alfred Pennyworth **P:** Peter Parker/Spiderman MJ: Mary Jane (Spiderman's girlfriend)_

_**Lois**: Lois Lane **Sc:** Scott Summers (Cyclops) **J:** Jean Grey **Pep: **Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant)]_

**K**: Ingredient boy! I need more spices!

**L:** Hey, Stuff lad! Can I get some more patties over here?

**P:** Rob? Do you have any garlic here at all?

**T:** Um.. Robin when it says to add the noodles does it mean before or after the sauce?

**R:** gaspgasppanthurry

_BWAH BWAH BWAH!_

**C:** Not to worry! Just the fire alarm! Man do these turkeys smoke! cough cough

(a little while later, when all the dishes are... prepared... Batman enters to see how they did.)

**B:** Okay, everyone! Taste testing time!

(everyone stops cleaning/moving about and each holds out a sample of what they made. Batman walks around the kitchen testing them starting with Superman)

**B:** Man... Clark is that a turkey?

**C:** Um... (abashed face) I kinda over did it on the heat ray...

**B:** Yeah... okay well turkey's off the menu. How about you Pete?

**P:** Here ya go!

(Batman takes a slice of "garlic bread" and stuffs it whole into his mouth. He chews for a few seconds then suddenly freezes.)

**B:** *hackhackcoughgaspwheeze* (rushes for jug of water and empties it into his mouth as the others stare in varying degrees of horror/interest)

**B:** What... was that?

**P:** (looking stunned) Garlic bread. You didn't have any garlic though so I used this stuff instead. It looks exactly the same.

(Hands Batman a small container labeled "Horse Radish". Batman slowly lowers the container a grim look on his face.)

**B:** Robin.

**R:** (rushes up) Yes?

**B:** Get rid of this. Now. (shoves the container into his hands)

**R:** Right away sir! (hurries away terrified)

**B:** *shudders* Okay, moving on. Logan, um... have you finished?

**L:** Of course I have! Here, have a patty!

(Logan offers Batman an oozing obviously raw patty)

**B:** Logan... we can't eat that.

**L:** OH! Excuse me for offending your delicate stomach! (smacks superman in the back of the head sending a heat ray at the patty and frying it to a crisp)

**L:** How's that Mr. Picky?

**B:** Well... um...

**L:** OH! Is it _too _cooked now? Well maybe you'll just deal with it won't you! (crosses his arms and makes a huffy grumpy face)

**B:** Rrright. Okay, Tony! How's that spaghetti coming?

**T:** All done, Bruce!

(Tony moves aside to show a bubbling pot on the stove. The sauce at the bottom of the pot bubbled sluggishly as the stiff noodles slowly disappeared into it.)

**B:** Uhh... Tony... I don't mean to sound rude but I don't think that passes as spaghetti...

**T:** (chucks the oven mitts onto the stove) That's alright, I don't have any great love for pasta anyway.

**B:** Okay, who's left?

**K:** Me! Here you are Herr Vayne!

(Kurt hands him a ladle filled with steaming stew. Looking hopeful, Batman empties the ladle. Everyone waits. Batman chews and swallows... his eyes widen... He dashes for the giant jug of water sitting on the counter and drinks it dry. There is an audible hiss as he drinks.)

**K:** Hmm... Maybe I over did it on the spices...

**B:** (Gasp) Ya think? (gasp) Okay, we've got to get someone in here who can make us a meal not a kitchen of horror that would make the Joker go silent!

(everyone thinks...)

**C:** Lois makes a pretty good chicken soup.

**B:** Okay... but we can't have just one person making dinner for all of us.

**K:** Ororo can cook can't she?

**L:** Jean makes a mean pot pie.

**P:** MJ can make a really nice salad.

**R:** How does one make a "really nice" salad? All you do is toss leaves in a bowl and pour some dressing on top.

**B:** (gives Robin a "you know what he means" look) Okay, how soon do you think we can get these people here?

**K:** I can Bamf over to the Institute in no time.

**P:** Um... that depends on who's picking her up. Peter could take a while in this traffic but Spidey...

**C:** Don't worry Pete. I can pick MJ up on my way back from Lois's. Wait... this would go a lot faster if I were...

(Clark's eyes widen and his head whips around wildly searching for a place to

hide. Logan, wanting to avoid another Supermishap, leaps to block the doorway

leading to the living room. Suddenly, Clark leaps right at Kurt. Letting out a yelp,

Kurt Bamf's to the other side of the room. Meanwhile, Clark disappears into a

cabinet and emerges as...)

**S:** SUPERMAN!

**B:** Oh... Great going Logan... way to avoid a crisis...

**L:** How was I supposed to know he could fit in there? He's like six feet tall for cryin' out loud! How does he do that?

**S:** Calm yourself citizen! I am able to perform this great feat because I am... SUPERMAN!

**T:** Oh, right, like we didn't all see that one coming. Wait a moment... Pepper can cook. Why don't I call her?

**B:** That's fine Tony just make it quick before we all starve. Clar- I mean Superman, go blast off or whatever you do and make sure you don't terrify our guests.

**S:** Right away, Batman! (Superman sprints into the living room and with heroic fanfare in the background, bursts out the doors and flies off)

(suddenly there's a scream from behind them. They turn and Robin is pointing at

the stove his eyes wide with terror. As they turn, the oven mitts burst into

flame. Red alert sirens blare and thick steel doors slam down over every exit.)

**L:** Don't panic! I've got it!

(Logan grabs Kurt's stew and throws it on the fire. *begin Dies Irae music in

background* An inferno now burns on the stove spilling over onto the floor as

Kurt's stew bursts into flame as well. Not knowing what else to do, Logan throws

himself onto the fire and rolls about trying to put it out. Meanwhile, everyone

else is huddled in the center of the room as the flames spread around them

onto cabinets and counters)

**B:** Kurt! Get us out of here!

(Kurt stares at the group of people knowing he is only able to take one person at

a time. He leaps for Batman *he is the host after all* and disappears in a puff

of smoke. Tony curls up in a fetal position whimpering. Kurt returns and grabs

the sobbing millionaire. Peter Parker develops a terrible twitch and falls to the

floor. Finally, Kurt bamfs him to the living room also. Batman and Tony are

seated on the couch coughing and covered in black. Kurt places Pete in a chair

and collapses onto the floor gasping.)

**B:** Well *gasp* this went *wheeze* well! Wait... (he looks about at the group and his eyes widen) Where's Logan?

(Kurt jumps up and bamfs back to the kitchen. Moments later, he returns with a

charred, black, form that could maybe pass as Logan if you turned your head

and squinted a bit. Kurt drags Logan behind the couch and leaves him there to

fix himself. Just then, trumpets sound and Superman bursts through the door a

lovely lady on each arm.)

**MJ:** My word! What happened here?

**Lois**: I knew you guys couldn't cook but I didn't think you took it this far!

**B:** It's a long story... suffice it to say, we are now down one gourmet kitchen and back to finger foods for dinner.

**T:** It's sort of my fault I guess. I left the stove on and then there were the oven mitts and...

**K:** Boom (bamfs from the floor to the couch leaving a puff of smoke)

**S**: Did everyone get out?

**P:** Yeah, we're all fine, no need for a hero right now.

**S:** Where's your young ward, Batman? I was gonna show him a (leans in like he's telling a secret) special hero costume trick.

(everyone pauses a moment and looks about)

**B:** Wasn't Robin in the... (all heads turn to the thick steel doors blocking the kitchen)

**S:** Have no fear! I, Superman, shall rescue him!

(Superman charges for the door which Alfred opens releasing a blast of heat

from the flaming kitchen. Superman leaps through the door and Alfred calmly

closes it behind him. Everyone waits... suddenly, there is an echoing knock from

within. Alfred opens the door once more and Superman walks out, his cape

trailing across the floor after him. He has two stylish soot marks across his

face and his suit is blackened in a few places *his hair however is perfect* in

his hands he is carrying a scorched yellow cape.)

**S:** (sob) I was... (snifflesob) too late! (He buries his face in the cape and lets out huge wracking sobs. Before anyone else can fully understand what just happened, the front doors open again and Robin steps in, in full costume, minus cape of course, looking just as rebellious and teenagery as possible)

**R:** So, no costumes allowed huh? Well I'll have you know, this one just saved my life! So there!

**B:** Robin! How did you-

**S:** (turns to the door, sees Robin, jumps up dropping the cape) Holy smoking kitchens, Batman! It must be a trick!

**R:** Hey! That's my line!

**S:** Well... I thought someone should take over for you seeing as you're - (breaks down into sobs)

**B:** Robin... where did that costume come from?

**R:** What? Am I not allowed to come back from the dead in costume either? Gosh, are you strict!

**B:** Okay, okay! Sorry! I suppose that since you came back to life you can wear it for the rest of the evening if you must.

**R:** No thanks.

**B:** WHAT?

**R:** I've decided it's safer for me to be my alter ego…

(leaps behind the couch, his eyes bulge as he sees Logan twitching back there,

he leaps back out into the open and scans the living room. There is a sudden

flurry of movement as the guests (minus the ladies and Superman) hurry to

cover various possible hiding spots. With a sudden smile, Robin leaps forward

dodges behind Batman and emerges as...)

**R:** Tim Drake!

**B:** (eyes wide, one twitching slightly)

**T:** Now that takes some talent.

**K:** Vhich? The changing or the twitching?

**T:** Well both but I was referring to the changing.

**S:** Speaking of changing! I must be off!

(the girls say their goodbyes each begging him to stay. Then with a dashing

smile and a wave, Superman leaps out into the sky. Mere seconds later, Clark

emerges from the bathroom)

**C:** Hey, guys! What did I miss?

(everyone stares in varying degrees of disgust, confusion, and terror. Except

for the girls who wonder how he can continually miss Superman by mere

seconds...)

**Lois**: So... um... Bruce, Superman (said with fan-girl like gushyness as it always is with the girls) said you needed our help with something?

**MJ:** Yeah, was it something apart from the fire and third degree burns because I don't think we were the ones to call for that sort of thing.

**B:** No, it's dinner. As you heard, we are no good at cooking and we were hoping you cou-

**MJ:** Wait. You called us here to your enormous mansion where you are having some sort of "guys only" party, to _cook _for you!

**B:** Um... well...

**Lois**: Well forget it! We're not cooking a single thing!

**B:** But-

**T:** Don't worry, Bruce. I'll handle it. Ladies, it is hardly proper to invite two such lovely women to a party at a mansion simply to cook! In fact, we each have invited someone not only to help where our masculine abilities fall short but also to provide that feminine charm to an otherwise disastrous party.

(The girls glance at each other mental giggling going wild)

**Lois**: Well, when you put it that way.

**MJ:** How can we resist?

(Tony turns, a girl on each arm and begins to head for the backup kitchen when

the doors open again and in walks Pepper. He whirls around... she stares for a

moment...)

**Pep**: Oh. Well, from the way you sounded on the phone, I was expecting there to be flames shooting out the roof but since you seem fine, (eyeing the girls with distain) I'll just be leaving.

**T:** Pepper! Don't leave! (she looks at him, he nervously detaches himself from the ladies) I was wondering when you'd get here! (he says nervously, stepping forward and holding out a hand)

**Pep**: (stony look) Well, Mr. Stark, you seem to have enough company as it is.

(she turns to leave but Kurt bamfs right in front of Pepper a dashing (although somewhat frightening) smile on his face)

**K:** Do not leave, Fraulein. Most men, (casting a look at Tony) would be more than happy to spend an evening with a lady half as beautiful as you.

(Pepper blushes and takes his hand)

**Pep**: Why thank you! It's nice to see that some people here still remember how to act gentlemanly. Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend, Tony?

**T:** (teeth and fists clenched) Kurt Wagner...

**Pep**: Well then, Kurt. Perhaps I will stay a while.

(Just then there is yet another knock at the door. Alfred answers.)

**A:** A Mr. Scott Summers and a Miss Jean Grey to see you, sir.

(Logan sits up suddenly, leaps over the back of the couch and lands in a casual position next to Peter who inches away slightly. Jean and Scott enter.)

**J:** Is everyone okay? The Professor said something was going on over here.

**Sc:** Yeah, whatever it was it must have been pretty nerve wracking 'cause he was really gripping that chair...

**B:** (sighs) We're all fine now, sorry to disturb him. Would you like to stay for some refreshments or dancing? I believe Alfred has some music playing in the ballroom.

**Sc:** I dunno, it's getting kind of late, we should probably be-

**P:** (suddenly twitches, sits bolt upright and says very loudly) Wow! Gee, look at the time! Sorry I can't stay but you know how it is!

**MJ:** Where are you going?  
**P:** (pauses halfway to the door and turns looking embarrassed) Aunt May said I needed to be home by eleven and I don't want to be late... (his eyes widen in horror imagining what lies in store if he is late again)

**MJ:** I'll drive you! Superman brought our cars along, just in case.

**P:** You don't have to-

**MJ:** Yes, I do. You don't have a car remember? Superman told us all about it.

**P:**... oh... yeah... thanks...

(They rush out and before Scott can say anything else Jean answers Batman's invitation for him.)

**J:** Of course we can stay!

(Jean leads Scott into the living room and sits on the couch and proceeds to chatter nonstop with Lois)

**L:** (shifty look at Scott)

**Sc:** (shifty look at Logan)

**L:** So, Jean, how've you been?

**J:** (suddenly stops talking and turns to answer but stops when she sees the condition Logan is in. His clothes are blackened and he is covered in soot but apart from that he seems fine)

**J:** Um... fine. (nervous smile) you?

**L:** Oh, I've just been workin' out. You know, gotta be ready fer anything. (attempts to flash a dashing smile like Superman but doesn't know that there is soot in his teeth... epic fail.)

**B:** Okay, why don't we all move into the ballroom?

**Sc:** (turns to Jean and flashes a perfect dashing smile) Care to dance?

**J:** (mental giggles) Certainly!

(they move into the ballroom where Logan lurks by the wall near the finger

foods moodily brushing soot off his clothes, Scott and Jean dance, Kurt dances

with Pepper and Tony attempts to make himself feel better by dancing with Lois

while Clark glowers at him from the food table. Batman sighs a satisfied sigh

but suddenly realizes that Robin is gone. However, the young lad soon returns

with Kitty Pryde and commences dancing before Batman can catch him.)


	3. Scavenger Hunt

**B:** Batman/Bruce Wayne **R:** Robin/Tim Drake **K:** Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler

**T:** Tony Stark/Ironman **C:** Clark Kent (S: Superman) **L:** Logan/Wolverine

**A:** Alfred Pennyworth **P:** Peter Parker/Spiderman MJ: Mary Jane (Spiderman's girlfriend)

Lois: Lois Lane Sc: Scott Summers (Cyclops) J: Jean Grey Pep: Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant)

(Soon the dancing is in full swing and jealousy is rising. Kurt stretches out his tail to trip Robin however this puts his tail within Tony's reach. Tony takes full advantage of the situation by grabbing the waving blue tail and pulling. This sends Kurt flying towards Tony, a side effect that Tony hadn't remembered, and so knocking him away from Lois and into Scott. While the former dancers recover, Logan and Clark hurry up to take their places. This however leaves Pepper open and she hurries over to see if Tony is okay and to give him a firm talking to about his behavior. Kitty does the same with Robin and Kurt moves to the snack table soothing his sore tail and pride.)

(Batman watches the goings on wondering if dancing was a bad idea... after seeing Scott blast Logan away from Jean, he decides it was and hurries off to find Alfred.)

**B:** (music stops, Batman enters with Alfred) Okay, everyone. Since a few of you seem a bit tuckered out from dancing, (Logan twitches slightly) I thought we could move on to another activity. (Batman continues as Alfred passes out some papers) One of my favorite things to do in a huge house is a scavenger hunt. The papers are all different so you won't be warring over items. You can go anywhere in the mansion except for the Batca- I mean the basement. Alfred will arrange you into teams and we will begin!

(Alfred moves about pairing people up:

Jean with Lois

Kitty with Pepper

Kurt and Robin

Tony and Clark

Logan and Scott

(Batman winces as Alfred pairs up the last two, but rules are rules and there's really no way for them all to be happy... )

**B:** Let the game begin!

(they all rush out of the room scanning their lists. All except for Scott who walks over to Logan and kicks him sharply. The twitching increases. Giving up, Scott wanders off on his own searching for a ballpoint pen.)

**Author's Note**: A short chapter, I know, but after this one we start following the pairs as they search and it's easier to split up the chapters this way. :P


	4. Elevators and Motorcycles

**B:** Batman/Bruce Wayne **R:** Robin/Tim Drake **K:** Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler

**T:** Tony Stark/Ironman **C:** Clark Kent (S: Superman) **L:** Logan/Wolverine

**A:** Alfred Pennyworth **Loi:** Lois Lane **Sc:** Scott Summers (Cyclops) **J:** Jean Grey **Pep**: Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant)

**Team:** Tony and Clark **Location**: Upstairs in the mansion (no one is around so Clark is in Superman mode)

(Tony walks along the hallway examining the list as Superman bounds ahead opening every door he comes to and leaping in only to emerge moments later to bound to the next door)

**T:** Clark, do you even know what we're looking for?

**S:** What's that, Friend? (poking his head out from a doorway)

**T:** (skeptical look) You have no idea what we're doing here, do you?

**S:** (leans in as if sharing a secret) Searching for clues.

**T:** Searching for clues, huh? Clues to what, may I ask?

**S:** (bounding to the next door) That is as of yet unknown! But soon, very soon, we shall stumble upon the answer!

(Superman opens the door and, with a heroic grin and a strange breeze blowing his cape, he leaps through... or down as the case may be...)

**T:** (hurries to the door) Clark! Clark, are you alright?

**S:** (Hovers back up) That was a fascinating discovery! Did we learn anything?

**T:** Apart from the fact that Bruce has an elevator disguised as a regular room, no.

(They hear someone coming, Tony turns to see Lois and Jean walking down the

hallway towards them. Superman shoves the door shut. Tony winces and waits

for the inevitable. Sure enough, there is a frantic rattling of the door handle

then an echoing yell followed closely by a thud as Clark turns back into… Clark...

thankfully the ladies weren't close enough to hear this. Tony puts on his best

"everything's fine" grin and leans against the door casually)

**J:** Oh, hello Mr. Stark.

**Loi**: Where's Clark?

**T:** (jabs a thumb at the closed door) I'm afraid I've lost him.

**Loi**: (glares disapprovingly at Tony thinking he's locked poor clueless Clark into an empty room or something) Now, Mr. Stark! I thought you of all people would be able to keep your manners even when you're alone! (she marches forward and grabs the door handle. Tony's eyes widen as he sees what she plans to do, but before he can say or do anything, she pushes the door open. With a yelp, Tony disappears.)

**J:** (who had walked further ahead calls) Lois! Come look, I think this is what he means by a fuzzy portrait!

**Loi**: (her head turns just as Tony falls in. Not seeing the pit in front of her, she closes the door and hurries to catch up to Jean...)

**Team**: Robin and Kurt **Location**: Garage

**R:** Oh, wow!

**K:** Vhat? Did you find something?

**R:** No, no! Not that silly list! This bike! It's gorgeous!

(Robin strokes Logan/Scott's bike as Kurt watches looking somewhat disgusted)

**K:** You don't really care that ve're going to lose, do you?

**R:** (in a dreamy voice) Lose what?

**K:** Come on. (drags Robin off the bike ignoring his protests) Ve're going to find this bumper sticker if ve have to search every car in this garage!

**R:** Hey! (being dragged by the back of his shirt) Don't I have a say in this?

**K:** No.

**R:** Fine then. (struggling free) You take that side and I'll take this side.

**K:** Alright, but no more distractions!

**R:** Right.

(they march off in different directions each searching the many cars for one single bumper sticker. A little while later, Kurt hears music playing. With a sigh, he follows it to a sleek red car. Robin is sitting inside messing with the radio.)

**R:** Hop in, Kurt!

**K:** Robin, I thought ve said no more distractions.

**R:** This isn't a distraction! I'm gonna make us win! We'll just go but the stuff we need!

**K:** Isn't that cheating?

**R:** No, in a scavenger hunt all you have to do is find the stuff. For example, I know a guy who has some mint flavored toothpicks! We can just go ask him for one!

**K:** Disregarding the fact that he uses mint flavored toothpicks, do you really think he'll let us have one?

**R:** Sure! Hop in!

**K:** Okay, but I'm driving.

**R:** What? Why?

**K:** Because, I've got a license. (waves it in front of Robin's face with his tail)

So move over.

**R:** Fine, fine.

(they drive off in search of mint flavored toothpicks and listening to music on the $1000 radio...)

**Author**: Okay… one or two pairs per chapter… they're shorter than I thought.


	5. Clovers and Shafts

_**B:**__ Batman/Bruce Wayne __**R:**__ Robin/Tim Drake __**K:**__ Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler_

_**T:**__ Tony Stark/Ironman __**C:**__ Clark Kent (S: Superman) __**L:**__ Logan/Wolverine_

_**A:**__ Alfred Pennyworth ____**Loi:**__ Lois Lane __**Sc:**__ Scott Summers (Cyclops) __**J:**__ Jean Grey __**Pep**__: Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant)_

**Team**: Scott and Logan **Location**: Front yard (in the dark)

**Sc:** (grumbling to himself) Find a four leaved clover! How on earth am I supposed to find a four leaved clover in the middle of the night? I knew I should have sent Storm with Jean but nooo, I had to go and offer her a ride!

(rustling in a nearby tree)

**Sc:** Great, what now? A rabid squirrel come to try his luck? Well bring it on, Bucky! I'm in no mood for games tonight!

**L:** If you say so.

(Logan leaps out of the tree and tackles Scott knocking him over. Scott shoves him off and glowers at him.)

**Sc:** Logan! You nearly gave me a heart attack!

**L:** (grins) "Bucky" was a little bigger than you thought, huh?

**Sc:** (points a finger at Logan) Don't even start. We're supposed to be on a team remember?

**L:** (acts thoughtful) Hmm... is that why you left me to twitch on the ballroom floor? 'Cause I don't think that was a very good teammate thing to do. (suddenly goes stony) And I wouldn't suggest you try it again.

**Sc:** Look, we're just going to have to deal with each other for a while. Now help me find this four leaved clover so we can go inside where there's some light.

**L:** You mean like this?

(holds up a four leaved clover)

**Sc:** _Yes_, like that! Where did you find it?

**L:** In Bruce's "four leaved clover patch", why?

**Sc:** (grumblegrr) Nothing, just help me find the rest of this stuff so we can go home.

**L:** Whatever you say, teammate!

(**Note**: The girls are doing just fine, no trap doors (or elevator shafts) blocking their way. Because of this, we're going to stick with the guys who are having a harder time thus making it more entertaining.)

**Team**: Tony and Clark/Superman **Location**: On top of the elevator at the bottom of the shaft.

**T:** (groans) Clark? You okay?

**C:** Yup.

**T:** Man... I wasn't expecting Lois to do that...

**C:** You could have opened the door.

**T:** And have them see you fall to your supposed demise? (rubbing his head) I think not.

**C:** So, how do we get out of here?

**T:** (testy voice) Well now, I don't really know. Maybe you could _fly _us out?

**C:** Fly? I can't fly.

**T:** Don't start that, I know you're really Superman. Now get us out of here.

**C:** But I'm not Superman! I'm Clark Kent!

**T:** Clark... as much as I might hate to say this, now is the time for a hero.

**C:** (eyes widen but he looks concerned) But... (whispers) I have nowhere to change...

**T:** Oh fer... just go into the elevator!

**C:** (tugs at the little trap door) It won't open!

**T:** (buries his head in his hands) That's it. We're done for.

**C:** (sits next to him) Maybe we can climb up?

**T:** No, no. That's fine. I'll just stay here in this empty elevator shaft wondering if Pepper really likes me or not.

**C:** I'm sure its not as hopeless as you make it out to be.

**T:** (disbelieving voice) Really?

**C:** Yeah, why don't you just call someone? You do have your cell phone, don't you?

**T:** (stares at him for a moment then pulls his cell phone out of his pocket. He dials quickly and waits) Pepper? Thank goodness! _What? _No, no I can't wait a moment! Clark and I are stu- (beeep beeep beep you are out of batteries please recharge phone)

**T:** Well... this is the end.

**C:** Maybe we can get the elevator working?

**T:** That would require being on the inside of the elevator, not on top of it.

**C:** Oh, right... um... turn around.

**T:** Look, Clark, if you're going to use some superpower I won't tell anyone you did it, okay?

**C:** Promise?

**T:** Yeah, sure promise. Just fly us out of here.

**C:** No can do. If someone saw us step out of the door, they could get suspicious.

**T:** Will you just do whatever you're going to do and get it over with?

**C:** Okay... (fires laser vision at the little trap door. It bursts open revealing a rather fancy looking elevator. They hop down and Tony instantly starts messing with the wiring.)

**C:** Can you fix it?

**T:** Just a few mussed up wires! This'll be easy! Uh oh...

**C:** What?

**T:** A power source. This elevator has been cut off from the rest of the mansion's electricity. It'll need a power source to get going.

(They look at each other for a moment then grin)


	6. Malls and Confusion

_**B:**__ Batman/Bruce Wayne __**R:**__ Robin/Tim Drake __**K:**__ Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler_

_**T:**__ Tony Stark/Ironman __**C:**__ Clark Kent (S: Superman) __**L:**__ Logan/Wolverine_

_**A:**__ Alfred Pennyworth ____**Loi:**__ Lois Lane __**Sc:**__ Scott Summers (Cyclops) __**J:**__ Jean Grey __**Pep**__: Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant)_

**Team**: Robin and Kurt **Location**: Some subdivision far away from the manor.

**K:** You're sure you know vhere ve're going?

**R:** Yeah, of course I do, why?

**K:** Oh, nothing important, just that we've passed this particular house three times now and I'm wondering when you'll admit you don't know where this guy lives.

**R:** Fine then Mr. Smartypants! Why don't we just go to the mall and get the stuff we need there?

**K:** Fine by me, I'm getting pretty tired of all these lawn flamingos anyway.

(they drive to the mall and park outside)

**K:** Vait a moment! I can't go in there!

**R:** Why not?

**K:** (skeptical look) I don't know if you've noticed but I'm not exactly vhat a non-mutant would call "normal looking".

**R:** Oh, that? That's nothing! You should see some of the other guys who come here!

**K:** (not convinced) Really?

**R:** Yeah, you'll fit right in on a Friday night!

**K:** Blue fur and all, huh? Not exactly the kind of costume one could get at a party store. And why would someone go dressed as a three-fingered blue guy with a tail to the mall?

**R:** I dunno, ask the guy who goes as an mime every Saturday, or the guy who goes as a bendy straw on every other Wednesday.

**K:** A what?

**R:** Never mind. You'll be fine just come on, or they'll all have finished before we get back!

**K:** One more question.

**R:** What?

**K:** Just how do you plan to buy all this stuff?

**R:** (grins) My allowance...

**K:** You found a credit card didn't you?

**R:** Not exactly found as much as borrowed.

**K:** You stole Bruce Wayne's credit card!

**R:** No! I'm just getting an advance on my allowance...

**K:** (uncertain) Alright...

(They enter the busy mall and begin their search for minty toothpicks)

**Team**: Logan and Scott **Location**: On one of the many floors of the Wayne mansion

(They're walking along the hallway, Scott holding a large portrait of Bruce Wayne, Logan buried under (among other things) a fake bouquet of flowers, a box of tissues, an old rocking horse, a small rocking chair, and a rolled up carpet with tassels that keep getting in his face.)

**Sc:** Logan, could you hold this? I need to look at the list.

**L:** (voice muffled by carpet) Sure, why not? Toss it on. I'm just here to be a walking shelf!

**Sc:** Thanks.

(He stops walking, leans the picture against Logan and takes the list out of his pocket.)

**Sc:** Hmmm... looks like we still need: A used mattress, a knitted throw pillow, and a life size stuffed bear...

**L:** (still muffled) Oh, that'll be easy to carry downstairs!

**Sc:** Wait! Someone's coming!

**L:** What? I don't smell a thing! Who's coming? Where?

**Sc:** I don't know! Just find somewhere to hide! We don't want them to know how far we've gotten!

(Scott ducks into a nearby bathroom leaving Logan, blind, smell-less, and confused in the hallway.)

**L:** Hide where? Who's coming? What's going on?

(Logan panics, tries to find Scott and crashes into a wall scattering their findings across the hallway. Just then, Pepper and Kitty walk along the hallway, ignore Logan and the mess completely and continue on their way, chatting happily and carrying two full bags of loot. Scott emerges from his hiding spot and sighs. Logan is lying on the floor unconscious with a rocking horse on his chest and a carpet over his face. Unsure of what else to do, Scott wraps everything, including Logan, up in the carpet and lugs it along with him in search of a used mattress.)


	7. Mishaps and Storms

_**B:**__ Batman/Bruce Wayne __**R:**__ Robin/Tim Drake __**K:**__ Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler_

_**T:**__ Tony Stark/Ironman __**C:**__ Clark Kent (S: Superman) __**L:**__ Logan/Wolverine_

_**A:**__ Alfred Pennyworth ____**Loi:**__ Lois Lane __**Sc:**__ Scott Summers (Cyclops) __**J:**__ Jean Grey __**Pep**__: Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant) __**St**__: Ororo Monroe (Storm)_

**Team**: Tony and Clark/Superman **Location**: An elevator rocketing upwards at an alarming speed.

(Tony is lying on his back on the floor. Clark is holding two wires from the control box out at arm's length and gingerly touching them to Tony's mini arc reactor. With each touch, Tony twitches madly.)

**T:** Clark, (zzzt) can't you make this thing (zzt) go any faster?

**C:** Not unless you want it to overload. You've got a lot of power in that thing!

**T:** How soon (zzzt) till we reach the (zzzt) right floor?

**C:** I dunno, I think we might have- oops...

(Clark touches the wires on the wrong spots making Tony jump a few inches off the ground. The elevator dings and the doors slide open. There, a couple feet from the doorway, are Pepper and Kitty staring at the scene before them. Clark holding two sparking wires and Tony his hair standing on end, twisting his head to look out the door. Calming elevator music plays in the background as Clark, still staring through the door, carefully touches the wires to Tony again. With another ding, the elevator doors close slowly, leaving Pepper and Kitty to decide if they were dreaming or if men really are that strange...)

**Team**: Robin and Kurt **Location**: The busy mall.

(Kurt is following close behind Robin glancing around uncomfortably. Robin is perfectly happy and continues his search...)

**R:** Man, where are we supposed to find a white hair here?

**K:** Doesn't Herr Wayne have a white and black cat at home?

**R:** Yeah, but that's too far away. We'll check the pet shop. Come on!

(they head for the little shop ignoring the bouncing puppies in the windows and search for a white pet. After about fifteen minutes of carefully searching, they find nothing.)

**R:** What kind of a pet shop has only black rabbits and grey cats?

**K:** This kind apparently. Aw, man! Now I've got grey fur all over me!

**R:** Don't worry, it makes you look distinguished. Anyway, be thankful its not hot pink or something that would clash with your original color.

**K:** Great, thanks. Now I just look like a distinguished mutant.

**R:** Just remember bendy straw man. It always works for me when I have to come here in costume.

**K:** You come here in costume?

**R:** (don't ask look)

**K:** So about these white hairs. Where else could they be?

**R:** (turns to answer but freezes staring over Kurt's shoulder.)

**K:** Rob? You okay?

**R:** S-S-St-

**K:** Rob? (waves a hand in front of his friend's face, looks confused for a moment then slowly turns around a look of dawning comprehension on his face. There standing with her hands on her hips is Storm. She is wearing casual clothes but her shockingly white hair and thundercloud look reminds them all too much of her powers.)

**St:** What do you think you're doing here?

**K:** Um... we were just-

**St:** Going out in public without any kind of disguise? (she hissed at them, quiet enough for passing people not to hear)

**K:** Robin said it would be fine! (pushing Robin in front of him to take Storm's wrath. Robin just stares having been on the receiving end of one too many thunderbolts in his time)

**St:** Would this be the same Robin who offered to lend Bobby Bruce Wayne's motorcycle? Or perhaps the same Robin who "accidentally" blew up the Professor's extra wheelchair while trying to add rockets to it?

**K:** Well... yes...

**St:** Come with me, both of you.

**R:** (finally regaining some control) Where are we going?

**St:** Back to Wayne Mansion.

**R:** But we haven't finished finding all the-

**St**: (glares)

**R:** Okay...

(they follow her out to the car, the one they brought because Storm just flew there. And they begin their long drive back.)


	8. Stairs and Pain whole lotta pain

_**B:**__ Batman/Bruce Wayne __**R:**__ Robin/Tim Drake __**K:**__ Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler_

_**T:**__ Tony Stark/Ironman __**C:**__ Clark Kent (S: Superman) __**L:**__ Logan/Wolverine_

_**A:**__ Alfred Pennyworth ____**Loi:**__ Lois Lane __**Sc:**__ Scott Summers (Cyclops) __**J:**__ Jean Grey __**Pep**__: Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant) __**St**__: Ororo Monroe (Storm) __**Ki**__: Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat)_

**Team**: Scott and Logan **Location**: The longest flight of stairs known to mankind...

(Scott is standing in front of Logan staring down the endless stairs. Logan stands behind him holding a mountain of items. Having finished their hunt, the team is attempting to return to the ballroom.)

**Sc:** Wow...

**L:** Wow what?

**Sc:** Nothing... you think you can get down these stairs?

**L:** (muffled) Oh, I don't know, maybe if _I could see them! _

**Sc:** Right... um... here.

(Scott attempts to move the tasseled carpet)

**L:** NO! You fool! Don't try to move anything or it'll all go!

**Sc:** Sorry!

(Logan heads forward)

**Sc:** Do you want any help?

**L:** Noooo, what would make you think I needed help? (grunting at each step)

**Sc:** Well, it's just that you seem a little off balance and I was thinking if I took the tissue box things might go easier.

**L:** (turns around to "look" at him) The tissue box. You think that by taking the tissue box everything will be fine? You miserable little-

(Taking a step forward, Logan misjudges the distance and his foot lands half on half off the step. After a split-second of wavering, his foot slips and he is sent hurtling down the stairs. Scott winces as the horrible screams are punctuated every now and then by the bangs and thuds of various items crashing into the walls, stairs, or Logan. Soon, Logan is out of sight but the noises continue for some time before a final sort of thud announces Logan's arrival at the bottom of the stairs. Not knowing what else to do, Scott begins his descent gathering up fallen items as he goes. When he reaches the bottom, Logan is buried under the life size bear, used mattress, rocking horse, and rocking chair… with one box of tissues on top.)

**Sc:** Gosh... that's awful.

**L:** (muffled and strained) It doesn't feel too great either...

**Sc:** No, not that, the tissues. They're all banged up. I hope it still counts as a new box 'cause if not we're gonna have to find another one... Logan? You okay?

**L:** Just take your precious tissues and leave me here.

**Sc:** I can't!

**L:** Yes, you can because I can promise you if you don't leave me buried, I may accidentally push you off the roof.

**Sc:** I mean I can't just take the tissues. I need all of it.

**L:** (deathly silence)

**Sc:** Logan?

(A hand shoots out from under the mountain looking frighteningly like it wants to strangle something)

**Sc:** Logan? We're still teammates right?

**L:** Sure, teammate. Just let me clarify something for you.

(the hand motions for Scott to come closer with one finger. Scott crouches down and leans in)

**L:** TEAMATES DO NOT THROW EACH OTHER DOWN THE STAIRS!

(The hand lashes out and grabs the front of Scott's shirt. As Scott stares at it terrified, Logan slowly emerges from under the pile of things)

**L:** Unless of course they plan to take turns. (grins)

**Team**: Pepper and Kitty **Location**: Some nice hallway somewhere having a great chat.

**Pep**: So when he told me to reach in, I-

**Ki**: Ewwww! He actually wanted you to reach into that?

**Pep**: Yes and you can't imagine how awful it wa- wait. Do you hear that?

**Ki**: Not another elevator I hope.

**Pep**: No, something up ahead. Come on.

(They move onward and come to some stairs. As they stand there, Scott comes tumbling down to land on his back at the bottom. He begins to sit up then stares upward.)

**Sc:** _OH, NO!_

(moments later, a huge avalanche of items crashes down on top of him completely burying him despite his thrashes. As the girls stare in amazement, Logan comes down the stairs a crazed look on his face)

**L:** See! SEE? That wasn't very fun was it? Maybe you'll remember _that _next time you try something on _me!_

(Logan freezes, staring at Pepper and Kitty who stare back, eyes wide while Scott drags himself out from under the pile)

**Pep**: Ummm... Are we interrupting something?

(Logan calms down considerably and surveys the mess in front of him somewhat ashamedly. A bruised Scott drags himself out from under the pile, flinching every time Logan looks his way.)

**L:** Uh... no?

**Sc:** No, not really.

**Ki**: What are you two doing?

**Sc:** We're... um...

**L:** Going down?

**Ki**: Well, why didn't you use the elevator?

(She points to two silvery doors a few feet away from the mess. Both men freeze staring at it. Logan turns slowly to face Scott.)

**L:** Yes, why didn't we use the elevator, Scott? (through clenched teeth)

**Sc:** There were no doors for it on our level, it must only go up this far! (he says quickly before Logan can injure him again.) Anyway, how do we know it's even working?

**Pep**: (stony face) Oh... it's working... trust me. As a matter of fact, a few of the others have been using it too.

**Sc:** Okay... thanks...

(they start lugging the mess over to the doors, Pepper calls back to them as she and Kitty leave,)

**Pep**: Oh, if you see Tony tell him I want a full explanation.

(slightly confused, Scott and Logan drag their stuff over to the doors. Scott pushes the down button and they wait... and wait... and wait...)

**L:** That's long enough! The doors must be messed up somehow.

(he grabs the crowbar that just happened to be on their list and wedges it between the doors. With Scott's help they pry it open and Logan looks inside the shaft first up then down.)

**L:** (looking up) Wow... it goes way up there.

**Sc:** Can you see the elevator?

**L:** (looking down) Nah, too dark. I can hear it though... sounds close... really close...

(Suddenly, the elevator plummets downward slamming into Logan and dragging him down with it with a CLANG and the screech of metal on metal. Scott catches a glimpse of electricity coming from inside the elevator before it falls out of sight... Still staring through the open doors, Scott decides maybe it's better to take the stairs...)


	9. Unfortunate Mistakes and Crash Landings

_**B:**__ Batman/Bruce Wayne __**R:**__ Robin/Tim Drake __**K:**__ Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler_

_**T:**__ Tony Stark/Ironman __**C:**__ Clark Kent (S: Superman) __**L:**__ Logan/Wolverine_

_**A:**__ Alfred Pennyworth ____**Loi:**__ Lois Lane __**Sc:**__ Scott Summers (Cyclops) __**J:**__ Jean Grey __**Pep**__: Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant) __**St**__: Ororo Monroe (Storm) __**Ki**__: Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat)_

**Team**: Tony and Clark/Superman **Location**: ... depends on when you see them...

**T:** Clark! We need to slow this thing down!

**C:** I can't stop it!

**T:** Well go into superhero mode or something and pull the brake before we're pancakes in Bruce's basement!

**C:** We hit something a moment ago! It must have broken the brakes clean off!

**T:** Well do _something_!

**C:** We'll just have to jump right as it hits the ground!

**T:** _What? _

**C:** Ready?

**T:** Whoa! Wait a minute how's jumping going to-

**C:** Set!

**T:** It's not going to help, Clark!

**C:** JUMP!

_BOOOOOOM_

(the elevator rattles around them but they are unharmed except for being knocked off their feet)

**C:** Hmmm... jumping doesn't seem to have helped much.

**T:** I tried to tell you... (gruntshove) Get off me!

(Clark presses the "open doors" button and the doors slide open to reveal about a foot of wall above the entrance to the basement.)

**C:** We must have landed on something.

**T:** Look, Clark, I really don't care what we've landed on right now. All I want to do is get out of this maze and back to the ballroom. You think you can handle that?

**C:** Sure, hop back in. I saw the ballroom on our way down.

**T:** No way! This time we take the stairs.

**C:** Fine, fine, but don't you think we should check and see what we landed on first?

**T:** Why? It's probably just some old laundry or something.

**C:** Or his cat.

**T:** Ouch... that'd be awkward. Okay, lets check.

**S:** I'll lift it up and you pull out whatever foul creature is hidden beneath!

**T:** Oka- Clark?

**S:** What? I'm not Clark Kent! I'm... SUPE-

**T:** Yes, I know that! It's just a little disturbing when you change like that.

**S:** Sorry! But it must be done for the betterment of mankind!

**T:** Right... anyway, lets get this over with.

(Superman lifts up the elevator and Tony peers underneath.)

**T:** Oh... my... gosh...

**Team**: Bruce and Alfred **Location**: Living room, sipping coffee and enjoying the peace.

**B:** How do you think they're doing?

**A:** I'd say they're nearly finished by now, Master Wayne. Then again they may have run into some trouble.

(Just then, a loud boom of thunder makes both Batman and Alfred jump. The

doors swoosh open and Storm... "storms" in. She's holding Kurt and Robin next

to her by the backs of their shirts and she looks furious.)

**St**: Bruce Wayne! I am very disappointed in you! Letting these two drive around to who knows where without any supervision? What if someone saw Kurt? I hope you have a very good explanation for this?

**B:**...They were _what_?

**R:** Hey... Bruce... ummm...

**St**: You stay quiet! You're in enough trouble as it is!

**B:** (glowers at Robin) Yes he is... And I can assure you, Ororo, it _won't _happen again.

**K:** Especially if ve don't survi-

**St**: As for you, the professor will want to hear about this!

**K:** (cowers)

**B:** Okay... (sighs) everybody should be about done with the scavenger hunt by now, so-

(At that moment, a terrible scream echoes around the room growing louder and

louder and accompanied by enough thumps and bangs to make a herd of

elephants a real possibility. Moments later, Scott comes shooting off the stairs

on top of a mattress and hugging a life size stuffed bear. The mattress flies

past the startled group in the living room and slams into the far wall with a

BANG. The rest of Scott's loot comes tumbling down the stairs after him...

Everyone stares for a moment... Scott, his face still embedded in the wall,

doesn't move.)

**St:** Scott?

**Sc:** (muffled) ...ow...

**A**: Shall I fetch the first aid kit, sir?

**B:** Yes, Alfred, I think we'll need the big one this time...

(Jean, Lois, Pepper and Kitty all enter carrying three large shopping bags and chatting cheerfully. They stop at the sight of the wreckage.)

**Ki**: Whoa... what happened here?

**J:** Scott! (runs over)

**Sc:** (still muffled and strained) ... m'fine... r'lly...

**Pep**: (to Bruce) Has Tony come back yet?

**B:** No, actually... Scott was the first...

**Ki**: Well... consider yourself warned...

**Loi**: Do I want to know?

**Pep**: Trust me, it's better not to ask...

(Bruce examines the girls' finds while Alfred and Jean attempt to dislodge Scott's face from the wall... and tend to his other injuries...)


	10. Coin Flips and the Undead

_**B:**__ Batman/Bruce Wayne __**R:**__ Robin/Tim Drake __**K:**__ Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler_

_**T:**__ Tony Stark/Ironman __**C:**__ Clark Kent (S: Superman) __**L:**__ Logan/Wolverine_

_**A:**__ Alfred Pennyworth ____**Loi:**__ Lois Lane __**Sc:**__ Scott Summers (Cyclops) __**J:**__ Jean Grey __**Pep**__: Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant) __**St**__: Ororo Monroe (Storm) __**Ki**__: Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat)_

**Team**: Tony and Clark **Location**: Basement

**T:** Heads or tails?

**C:** Heads.

(flip)

**T:** Drat... tails.

**C:** So... should we tell Bruce or call the Professor?

**T:** What do you mean 'we'? 'We' just flipped a coin, thus, 'I' will be telling... someone...

**C:** Thank goodness...

**T:** Don't rub it in. Do you think we should bring him?

**C:** Tony... I hate to say it but I don't think even he could survive _that_.

**T:** Yeah... and Bruce just got that new carpet in the living room. He probably wouldn't appreciate us dragging a dead body through it.

**C:** Not to mention the awkward situation that would follow when everyone else sees him.

**T:** So... on to the living room...

(They leave, wondering just how to break the news to the others. Unseen by either of them, the elevator moves ever so slightly upward...)

**Team**: The others **Location**: Living room (or in Scott's case, halfway between the living room and the dining room...)

(Storm is now helping with Scott and Kurt and Robin are sitting on the couch arguing about who'll get the worse punishment. Bruce, meanwhile has just finished surveying the loot)

**B:** Whew! Last bag. Looks like you've tied, ladies.

**Ki**: Huh? Oh, that? We weren't even thinking about winning!

**Loi**: Actually, we were going rather slowly. To have more time to talk.

**Pep**: Tony and Clark should've been back by now shouldn't they?

**C**: Hey, guys...

(Tony and Clark limp/stumble in. They are very disheveled, rather dirty from their trek through the basement and Tony's hair is still standing on end. They both look very nervous)

**B:** Whoa, what happened to you two?

**Pep**: They used the elevator. Didn't you, Tony? (accusing glare)

**T:** Huh? Oh... right... the elevator... umm...

**C**: (still smiling nervously, nudges Tony)

**T:** We had a little trouble with that.

**B:** But the elevator isn't working.

**C**: Uh, that wasn't really the problem...

**T:** Our issue was more with stopping the elevator than starting it.

**Pep**: Tony... what did you do?

**T:** We didn't mean to! He was just there! It's not like we expected him to be down in the basement.

(a loud crack makes everyone jump, but it turns out to be just Scott being removed finally.)

**Loi**: Who?

**T:** (gulp) L-Logan...

**Pep**: _Tony!_

**B:** You _crushed _Logan?

**Ki**: What do you mean crushed? Is he dead?

**Logan**: Not... quite...


	11. The End

_**B:**__ Batman/Bruce Wayne __**R:**__ Robin/Tim Drake __**K:**__ Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler_

_**T:**__ Tony Stark/Ironman __**C:**__ Clark Kent (S: Superman) __**L:**__ Logan/Wolverine_

_**A:**__ Alfred Pennyworth ____**Loi:**__ Lois Lane __**Sc:**__ Scott Summers (Cyclops) __**J:**__ Jean Grey __**Pep**__: Pepper Potts (Iron Man's assistant) __**St**__: Ororo Monroe (Storm) __**Ki**__: Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) __**MrK**__: Clark's Dad __**MrsK**__: Clark's Mom __**Pr**__: Professor Xavier __**Be**__: Hank McCoy/Beast __**Col**__: Colossus _

**Logan**: Not... quite...

(Tony and Clark both let out rather un-manly screams and hug each other in terror)

**B:** Logan! You're alive!

**L:** Where... is he?

**Pep**: Who? Tony? Clark?

**L:** No... Scott.

(Scott's eyes flash open and he jumps up, grabs the mattress and, with amazing speed and agility, crams himself into the dent in the wall and blocks the entrance with the mattress. Logan's head swivels and he grins)

**L:** Partner... that you in there?

**J:** Logan, it's not his fault you got yourself hit by an elevator.

**L:** (turns to look at her incredulously) No? You didn't see the crafty little snake's face when the thing hurtled out of nowhere!

**St**: And you did?

**L:** (sighs) It was a slow motion moment for me, okay? Unlike the beating I'm gonna give Mr. Mattress here.

**B:**(rapidly growing a headache) Logan, beating the tar out of Scott won't help anything.

**L:** Says you.

**B:** Look, Logan, as much as I'd love to help you out here-

**A:** Sir, several cars have just pulled up in front of the house.

**B:** Gordon I hope?

**A:** No, sir. Among them are Professor Xavier's and a large red truck with what appears to be a pig in the back.

**B:** Pardon?

**C:** Oh no...

(The professor enters followed by Beast and Colossus)

**Pr**: Good day, Mr. Wayne. I believe someone called?

**St**: That would be me, Charles.

**Be**: Kitty, Kurt, to the van.

**Col:** Where's Scott?

**J:** Umm... there. (points)

**S:** (muffled) Don't let him in!

**B:** Sorry to bother you, sir, but it seems we could use a little help...

(Kitty and Kurt leave with Beast and Storm who gives Kitty a stern talking to about sneaking out and Kurt a stern look that was possibly more frightening than the thunder bolts. Jean left with a whimpering, terrified Scott and began her therapy sessions... again... Colossus and the Professor manage to get Logan out without hurting anyone and they put him in his... special seat... the adamantium trunk.

[This leaves us with, Tony, Pepper, Lois, Clark, and the inhabitants of Wayne Manor]

(During the chaos of Colossus holding Logan back while Jean got Scott safely out, an elderly couple dressed in simple farm clothes entered the mansion.)

**B:** Hello...

**C:** Daaad... I thought I asked you guys not to do this anymore!

**Loi**: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Kent! Lovely to see you again. So sorry I can't stay, but I think I've had my share of excitement for the night!

(Lois leaves Clark to his demise and begins plans on an article about her experiences)

**MrK**: Clark, I know we said we wouldn't come after you any more but your ma was worried and-

**MrsK**: Clark! (runs forward and hugs him) Where have you been? You were supposed to be home at ten! Peter Parker's aunt said he got home hours ago!

**C:** Mom! Please!

**Pep**: Perhaps we should be going too. (smiling politely at the Kents, she takes Tony by the ear) We have much to discuss...

**T:** Ow! Pepper!

**MrsK**: Thank you for taking care of our little Clark, Mr. Wayne!

**B:** (tries to hide smile) Any time, Mrs. Kent.

**MrK**: Son, we picked up that new sow on our way. You'll want to see her, she's a real beauty!

**C:** (Panics and shoos his family out before more damage can be done.)

(Bruce heaves a great sigh of relief and turns around to face the not-so-innocent looking lad on the couch)

**B:** Tim... room... now.

**R:** But Bruce-

**B:** Ah, ah! Now!  
**R:** (grumblegrr)

**B:** Alfred, remind me never to have a party at my place again.

**A:** Yes, sir.

(Bruce heads upstairs to bed to get as much sleep as he can, trying to forget the fact that it's technically already morning)

**A:** I suppose I should remind you about the kitchen tomorrow then?

**B:** ...

**A:** Sir?

**B:**... Yes, Alfred... tomorrow would be good...

The End


End file.
